Tips to stop self sabotaging and to decrease imposter syndrome?

Actually I understand that one.. Being obviously overly nervous (and looking like you don't know what you're doing) can irritate people sometimes.. Then again, when they realize that you didn't actually need their help to do something. (Aka not a lack of know-how). People are likely to see it as "slacking" at that point instead of for example "dealing with anxiety".. maybe most importantly.. we tend to see *ourselves* that way even when literally no one else does. Telling people you feel insecure (even when it's blatantly obvious) can sometimes help because most people feel that way or have felt that way. Tell them that what is in your way is anxiety. It prevents people from feeling "used" when you can't do something for different reasons than a lack of understanding.. Maybe break the ice a little... literally if need be.. bring a bag of ice some ice picks and mallets, and your pent up nervous energy and... (No, don't do that one, I was joking...) Seriously though, communicate. Tell someone when you feel nervous enough where it gets in your way, and try not to fill in for someone else what *they* are feeling in return. (Because they probably know what they are feeling better than you do, so take their word for it). I seriously doubt many people actually hate you for being insecure. They might feel frustrated because they feel you could do something better if you didn't self-sabotage so much.. but I seriously doubt people actually hate you for that.. It makes it hard sometimes to know how to help.. so maybe tell them from your perspective what you think might help.. Do you need more time to make notes? Do you need a voice recorder so you can take notes without having to focus on writing *and* the topic at hand? What would take the extra pressure off? If you were your own best friend, and you knew everything about them that you know about yourself.. what advice would you give yourself? How would you feel towards yourself? Because.. hint.. you shouldn't be the exception to your own empathy.. (And yes, it did in fact take me almost half a century to learn that ;) Still.. it's progress. I've yet to meet someone who was unhappy about seeing someone struggle *but* make progress, rather than just hide.. Seriously.. set a timer for 30 minutes and brain storm over what kinds of things would actually make things easier for you. If you don't know, write that. If it's not realistic, write it down anyway. It may spark a more reasonable solution while it also crystalizes what the issues actually are for yourself... Often naming it, and pinning down the issue can be a real challenge when you just don't routinely verbalizes such feelings.. even to yourself.. So take some time and think about what "in a perfect world" would look like because it may help you to get to not perfection, but progress... George the 6th had a pretty severe stutter.. Public speaking was a rather unavoidable nightmare for him. Over time he (and his therapist) figured out that turning the "on air" red light off while he was speaking was one of the things that worked for him.. one of many small things but it made a huge difference in how he dealt with public speaking, because they all added up. Maybe if he'd said years before that "I feel like the lamp is staring/glaring at me" people even in those times would have reacted far less negatively to his issues than the long pauses did.. but he never consciously take the time to name the issues that snowballed into very awkward long pauses.. Meanwhile, those of us *also* struggling with similar issues feel more enabled to talk about it.. Vulnerability and honesty (with ourselves at the very least) allows us to be strong and open the door for others to be more authentic and honest about how they feel when they struggle... Because.. we all do from time to time ;) Absolutely everybody..

Yeah, if you don't know where to start with humor.. exaggerate until ridiculous.. Ryan Reynolds does this a lot. 😊