Baby is 6 months old and between returning to work, pumping, household tasks, trying to remember to eat and shower and staying in the moment with her, I’m having such a hard time staying on top of tasks. It’s put so much stress on my marriage and people keep telling me to lower my standards/expectations… but hubs is a perfectionist. Just wondering if anyone else is struggling with this transition or has any tips. 🙏🏼 Does it eventually get better?
You GOT THIS! You just grew someone in your body and then birthed them. Your husband should take over some tasks and share the load of the new baby in the house. It’s not all on you. My biggest lesson learned…DO NOT BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP. On that note however, the thing I struggled most with was my husband helping (or anyone really) when he’d only vacuum one room not the whole house, or he’d dust AFTER vacuuming lol. I finally got to a place were I said to myself “it’s one thing you off the list you didn’t have to do. Let it go.” That’s were my standards/expectations changed for me. (This was before I knew I had ADHD and I think it was just that the things I HAD got into a routine were no longer “routine”.) I hope this made some kind of sense to you, I may have rambled a bit.
If your husband is unwilling or unable(due work ie; out of town or gone before you wake up, back after kid goes to bed) to help, get teenage babysitter(s) to come after school 2 nights a week. They're night owls so they can likely stay until 8 or 9, possibly drive themselves, they are significantly cheaper than a nanny. I have two sisters come twice a week 17, and 15. One of them cleans the other one watches the kids 4, 2, 9months. I'm often even home when they're here, but have the freedom to leave for appointments, and errands if need be. I use them as the respite I should be getting from my husband, but can't due to work. I'm essentially a single mom 6 days a week with the hours my husband works. My husband is a little scarred from the way his mom left the house a disaster all the time. So it does bother him when it's untidy. I've also noticed it's actually a love language for him to be able to come home to a clean house. We do have the occasional argument over it, but I remind him that the most important thing I do with my day is making sure the kids are emotionally, and physically well taken care of. The next most important thing is that I do what I need to in order to just keep my sanity. As I am able to I will take on more responsibility, but it will NOT happen over night, so please be patient. Look long term, and notice the little changes I've made along the way. I am getting to where you'd like me to be. I would also like to be there too. I'm working really hard on it too. I haven't forgotten about our shared goal. I'm just doing it at a pace that safeguards those two priorities.
I love this- especially your second paragraph about slowly making progress while keeping other priorities in mind. Thank you!
Thanks so much for your support and comments everyone!
It’s hard with a baby it really it’s but you’re doing great. If hubby is a perfectionist he needs to help with the house stuff especially since you are also working. Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t burn yourself out… know the dishes laundry etc will be there the next day also they aren’t going anywhere
i have 4 kids- 7, 6, 4, and 1. I've learned to prioritize, or am trying to learn.. I had severe postpartum depression with my youngest. This is hard, but it does get better.
It does get easier. Try to focus on the things you are able to get done instead of what you couldn’t. It’s very challenging when babies are young- but it does get simpler and less stressful. As far as relationships- the life adjustment and sleep loss puts some things to the test for couples and for some people it brings them closer. And I vote stay in the moment. Prioritize taking care of yourself and making memories. The routine gets simpler once you can involve them in stuff. Life is short anyway and it’s so unfair that the shortest period of life is childhood. I agree with the others commenting that the emotions postpartum are hugely awful to deal with.
I just want to say, YOU ARE DOING AMAZING! I had my first child in February. He will be 5 months old. I’ve been struggling to keep it all together and I never know if I’m feeling overwhelming anxiety due to ADHD, or if I am suffering from PPD/PPA. I do the majority of household chores, spend the most time with my son, and work, so most days all I feel is overwhelmed and anxious. From one mama to another…you are incredible, fierce, and a superhero!
If you can outsource anything, do it! 6 months old is so little, go easy on yourself. If your hubby is a perfectionist then he's going to need to help keep everything perfect. You can't do it all - you'll burn out. I have 3 kids and am a single Mum. They're teenagers and I work full-time. I cut corners wherever I can.
I am still working on trying to make it better, which is why I just downloaded the app to see if it would help, I am afraid I will forget to use it though... my kids are 2 and 4 and I didn't even know I still had ADHD (thought I grew out if it as a kid) but now I am learning about it as an adult and realize it's why it has messed me up so much.
