I just found my husband of 28 years search for local women to hookup

I just randomly went through my husband of 28 years search history on my phone with his Gmail account info. He had a Google search for local women in our city for one night stand or casual flings. This happened once before 3 years ago but back then I found the site he had joined and the 3 messages he had sent asking where he could meet them. I love him more then life its self and this has ripped my heart out. I can actually feel the pain in my physical heart lime its broken. I asked him about it and he said he was just looking at pictures like porn. But pictures or porn wouldn't need to be for local. I'm not stupid. I'll never ever trust him again. He is still so good to me and take good care if me. He still opens my car door after all these years. But how can I believe he actually loves me when that was his Google search. I love him and would never be drawn to search for other men not even for just physical. I'm hurt, confused, and just don't know how I feel or what I think or what I want to do going forward. I honestly don't see this as something I would leave him over. I can't imagine living my life without him everyday. He really has always been my best friend and an incredible friend too. To say my confidence and esteem are decimated is an under statement. Where do I go from here. How do I even get our of bed in the mornings. Why bother. The man I thought loved and worshiped me DOESN'T after all.

gabriellafrantz

9mo

It’s tough but you got this. Be honest with him and tell him that you’ll have to learn to trust him again. Focus on yourself to start and then open the conversation to his side. Take all the time you need. Pay attention to his reaction while you're taking your time. His looking for other women has nothing to do with you, about you not being enough, it has to do with him not being in a relationship dynamic that fits him best or taking you for granted in a moment and making a mistake. You got this!!! You are strong enough! Take your time!! There is no right or wrong way to go about this, do what feels best for you.

1baseballmomof3

9mo

I think you are doing great with the steps you are taking! It takes time to digest things like this and the different “grieving” (for lack of a better word) steps. Do you feel like his response is truthful and heartfelt? Sometimes you have to trust the process more than the person. Big Hugs!!!

Amanda512

9mo

Oh wow! Hugs lady! This is so tough and hurtful for sure. So sorry you are going through this! Have you talked with him about his feelings? Maybe he wants some spice or a less monogamous relationship? Let him be open about his desires and see if you guys can grow/change together. If those desires aren’t to your taste of what you want for your relationship as well, then I hope you can find peace with his honesty, or find the strength to find commitment that you may need. Either way, so sorry he is disrespecting you and your relationship like this! You don’t deserve this!

monkey girl

9mo

I’m so sorry is really hard . I hope that you will be able to find peace and comfort whatever you choose to do

isabelandthesun

9mo

there’s always gonna be that doubt of “am I not enough?” tugging in your heart. hugs to you

WinkyLandShark

9mo

So I was to hurt to real talk to him at all at first. But we kind of talked about it and he just kept apologizing and saying he loves me and never wants to lose me. Today I woke up set and he's been beyond nice and caring for me. He has also made it clear that I can have his phone to go through any time I want. He said he was just drunk and looking for porn but that doesn't make it ok or explain the "local" part. So I guess we just move forward. I hope we continue to communicate and spend quality time together like we have since I started talking to him again. I guess everyone makes mistakes but I need to know my 28 years worth if marriage and commitment to him is secure. He also agreed never to have any alcohol of any kind ever again. He's not supposed to drink with the medication he is on anyway. I love him so much and he's always been my best friend and partner in crime. Thanks so much for your reply. It means a lot. Having someone to talk to about this has made it so much easier then just crying and keeping it all to myself. Alone I just seem to dwell and over think any and all possibilities and a million different scenarios till I've blown everything out if proportion and just the total ADHD thing of all the anxiety and should of could would of till I'm a disaster and a nut case. Thanks again for taking the time to discuss this with me. You are appreciated.

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