Relation ship
Hello, community. My girlfriend underestimates ADHD. She constantly blames me for forgetting things. But it's not my fault, and I'm doing my best. Have you ever encountered this kind of issue with your partner?
Hello, community. My girlfriend underestimates ADHD. She constantly blames me for forgetting things. But it's not my fault, and I'm doing my best. Have you ever encountered this kind of issue with your partner?
Yes in the past but my boyfriend is actually pretty empathetic and supportive and he has ocd so his organization is helpful so we balance eachother out but I have been in relationships like that horrible ones:(
Not knowing the context and not being a psychologist, I say: 1) it’s up to her to learn & accept the reality of ADHD and what it means specifically for you. She can ask you for help in understanding it, of course. 2) She might be frustrated by the phrase ‘it’s not my fault’ as a reply to something that’s bothering her. It might work better for you to engage in conversations about how you both can prevent that happening in the future. I don’t mean you forgetting things, but addressing whatever the consequence of that is. 3) I’d elaborate what you mean exactly by doing your best rather than just saying ‘not my fault 🤷♀️’, and helping her with the frustration or inconvenience or whatever feeling she’s going through. Both your feelings are valid.
Yes. What the above said. Ask her to sit down and listen as you explain your mind to her, to the best of your ability. Ask her to read some suggested articles and such. If she refuses, it may be time to re-evaluate.
Lovely photo if this is of you two! 🥹 I would see if she is interested in taking some time to sit down for a short period of time in multiple “sessions,” or a longer heart-to-heart to be willing to listen to your explanation of how your ADHD behaviors truly aren’t an excuse. As some others suggested, science-based evidence is great to share if there is a gap in knowledge or skepticism. Otherwise, just explaining emotions and how you feel when she expresses certain things to you. Psychology student here, and a passionate one at that, so I apologize for rambling but I could go on all day lol. I also found a podcast called “Something Shiny!” On Spotify that has been really helpful for myself, and I’ve shared it with others that do and don’t have ADHD.
Follow ADHD_Love on any social media platform you have, and also get their book 'Dirty Laundry'. They have helped, and continue to help, my relationship
Research! Send her little short blurbs of information that is written by doctors.. OR there are plenty of books written on the subject, I found this very a helpful tool when navigating tough situations in relationships. My Ex had ADHD as well but had different ticks than I did, so it was hard to understand his in comparison to my own. We both read “the ADHD Effect on Marriage” and it helped us understand each other better. Hope this is helpful for you.
I get it, but in different aspects. My partner does not blame me much for forgetting things. But he totally does not understand what being overstimulated means. He gets upset when I zoom out due to overstimulation. In many respects he got better at recognizing adhd symptoms over some years, but it still often leaves me with that sentence „I’m trying my best“.
Yes, same on overstimulation! My fiancé has more so the hyperactive side of adhd, and I’m combination type, leaning more inattentive as I’ve gotten older. I also have misophonia. So, when overstimulation and misophonia reactions strike at once, he does not fully understand unless I explain it extensively 🤣 I take an SSRI on top of a stimulant, in order to help out my anxiety/OCD/depression. If it wasn’t for my SSRI, I probably would be having full-on meltdowns on the daily still.