Time management & Relationship problems

Summary: What do you do to keep your relationship while struggling with time management? I’ve been with my partner for 2years now and I only recently told them about my Adhd. I’ve been late for about 1000 times during our relationship and have always apologized by saying I have a time blindness issue. Now that they know I have Adhd I thought they would be more understanding, but they still seem frustrated and I still don’t now what I have to do to get to dates on time. And even now I don’t want to show them how much I struggle. Has anybody experienced the same thing? What do you do to keep your relationship while struggling with time management?

Posts and comments here share personal experience — not medical advice. For treatment questions, talk to a clinician.

larzkj

What you’re feeling is totally valid, it’s difficult to explain time blindness to a neurotypcial person. Even if they mean well, their advice isn’t always helpful. What really helped me with lateness was identifying the mental/physical roadblocks in my getting ready routine. I struggle getting out of bed, but once I’m up I’m mostly okay, so I got an alarm app that won’t turn off until I take a picture of my bathroom light switch. I have visual timers in several rooms so I have a clear image of how much time I truly have left. I build in an extra 30 min just for when I inevitably stare into space and lose time. It’s annoying to jump through so many hoops just to accomplish simple things like leaving on time, but these changes have really helped me.

crazyraccoon

Wow that alarm app works so well…. It’s been years since I could wake up at once to an alarm. Thank you 😀

crazyraccoon

Thank you. What is the name of the app? It sounds really helpful! And do you set all your timers manually before getting ready? Or is it automatic? I respect the effort you put in to not be late 👍

bluedreamdragon

Thank you so much for the awesome tip! I struggle to get out of bed too and the alarm app sounds amazing! I’m gonna try it cause I be late. Like ALOT !!

diamondgirl3794

About calculating ETA I normally rely on Google maps to say how long it will take to get somewhere a base the plan off that

crazyraccoon

I do try to use that method… I don’t know why I’m still late 😂😭

jw2007

I can know exactly how long it takes to get somewhere, and how long it takes me to get from my door to my car and out the driveway… I will still be late. It sucks.

procrastequeen

i understand and relate to this so so much and i know hard it can be to apologise for something you can’t control, what i recommend is trying to break down your time management issues and try help the person understand what’s actually happening like using metaphors like “how it’s like trying to ride a wild horse that keeps running in diffrent directions forgetting the original one” is one i like to use and if they still our flustered remeber to tell yourself that if they don’t get it it’s okay because you shouldn’t have to explain your brain 100 times to people who just don’t get it (sorry about the rant i hope this helps)

crazyraccoon

Thank you. It helps to know I’m not the only one struggling 😭 I should try to explain so they understand. And like you said I shouldn’t have to explain myself 100times if they don’t get it.. thanks!

sonnek

I set several timers on my phone during a day: when to get ready to leave in time, maybe one more when to leave , when to stop working when I have to go somewhere … that saves me. Plus being honest about the time I REALLY need, not what I think I need. I have even measured the time I need for example in the bathroom to have a real number 😅

jw2007

Estimated time it takes to get there, and if you don’t leave by X time - which is a hard number you have to stick to - you’ll be late and disappoint whoever you’re meeting, and also feel ashamed of yourself. Add 15-30min to the beginning of that time, for traffic and possibilities of distractions. If the shame is enough to light 🔥 under your 🍑 you’ll be fine… until your brain says “hahahaha fuuuudge that.” That’s where my brain is at often times. That and my OCD says I really need to get the thing I started working on done before I leave, or it won’t get done later. It’s now or it’s not. My brain cannot compute.

sonnek

I check the ETA and give some buffer time - sometimes too much, then I’m so early and that can suck, too 🫣, and I also have situations I still struggle because hyper focus or procrastination keeps me from getting ready and leaving in time. But it has become better since I’ve stopped trying to fool myself that I’m quite okay with time 😅

crazyraccoon

Thank you for your advice. How do you handle when you go to places you’ve never been to? I am so bad at calculating ETA… and I go to lots of places I’ve never been to with my partner… 🥲

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