avatar
ADDgirl96
5
10 months ago

Sex life

I've been with my husband for 5 years now and my sex drive has been very low the past year (I did just have a baby 9 months ago) I feel bad and am afraid he's going to cheat on me ( even though I know he's definitely not that type of person), I think my biggest draw back is my self esteem, I've always been plus size but when I was pregnant my weight was at the highest it's ever been and that did not sit well with my mental health, I have a huge problem with staying motivated to work out and eat healthier but I want to better myself for him and our daughter, so how do I get motivated and get my sex drive up?

avatar
LIA11
9mo

I completely understand the body insecurity thing when it comes to sex in your relationship. My personal insecurities combined with not understanding my fluctuations in sex drive has caused so many problems for my relationships in the past. There are a few things I do in my relationship now that make such a difference, I never could have expected. I think it’s so important for every couple to do something together that they enjoy, a hobby, sport, passion, or whatever. My partner and I do MMA training together. It’s something stimulating for both our minds and bodies, and it gives us an environment to connect, be vulnerable, and feel closer to each other. The physical activity is great for our health and confidence, and our sex drive is definitely higher when the endorphins are flowing. The second thing is that we almost always shower together. I know that not every couple has the ability with their schedules to do it all the time, but every time we workout together, we shower together. Being naked in the shower is such a vulnerable place and often a space where we think a lot. Being in the shower together, we laugh the hardest, talk about deep stuff we would normally just think about in the shower alone, and make sure we are both clean from head to toe. Shower sex is a lottt more frequent too ;)

avatar
ADHDRaven
9mo

P.S. I struggle with my weight too a lot as I've gotten older and have had kids so I completely understand the feeling of insecurity there but remember your husband most likely finds you incredibly attractive! We are our own harshest critics. We look in the mirror and feel ugly sometimes but others see us differently and see our beauty in a way that we can't always see.

avatar
ADHDRaven
9mo

It's normal for your sex drive to take a bit to come back after having a baby. I'm a mother of 2. So try to be patient with yourself. Something to try: My husband and I got a conversation starter card deck called "Let's Get Deep", recommend by our therapist. They have led us to having really great deep conversations that have helped us to connect on a new level and build intimacy. It consists of ice breakers, deep questions/topics, and "deeper" questions/topics. I swear we end up having sex after we use those cards almost every time. :0 Remember, "most" women need to connect emotionally with our partners to enjoy sex. Intimacy is so important and worth the time and effort. Schedule out time to just "be" with your husband with no distractions and talk about your goals, hopes, dreams... Take the time to laugh together and take the time to cry together. When you have your deep talks do it naked or lightly dressed. Take the time to caress one another and communicate about what feels good and what does not. All this will build intimacy and the sex life will improve naturally. I hope this helps. <3 p.s. I've been married to my amazing autistic Hubby for 13 years. We have 2 boys ages 12&9 who also have ADHD and autism. So we're a very neurodivergent household ha ha. :D we come with unique challenges that's for sure. XD

Add comment