Wish I had friends

I feel this one so bad, I get really depressed around my birthday because I don’t have any friends to celebrate with, because I have such a hard time maintaining relationships. I can barely attend family gathering, medical appointments, give my partner time and attention, whilst raising a young child and working two jobs, how am I going to have time for friends. I’m also horrible at replying to texts because I forget to and I don’t know what to say on the phone, so basically I get you and I wish I had some tips but I’m struggling just the same.

I do make friends easily but then am too tired to organize sth. But also: all my best and closest friends have ADHD which is awesome because we understand each other but awful because we are unable to organize something/ or are easily burnt out because of masking all day or because we took on tooo many projects *again*

I have a very few long-term friends but rarely connect with them. I’m cut off from many of my family members, as well. I struggle with making plans for myself let alone with others. Honestly, I don’t know how those with ADHD doing TikTok and regularly uploading on Instagram do it. The few friends I have know I have ADHD and try to understand. I let them do the planning. If there is something I can bring to the table that is more in line with my strengths, that is what I do.

I just don’t bother with making friends save the drama and stress I Dread making plans in case I cancel them bc of my state of mind . I could easily cut of communication altogether except for the realisation socialisation is so important do not skip

It's not just you. You're definitely not a bad friend. I rarely make plans with anyone now because I never know how I'll feel on the day of said plans. Most catchups I have now are very last minute. It's what works for me and I just let people know that. True friends will accept that most of the time. Although I do try and compromise sometimes.

Same! It is such a struggle.

Yes same problem. 43 and, after cutting off all narcissitic family and friends 2 years ago, I have almost no one left in my life. I was left behind in everything and feel too old to make any deep connection with anyone around me now, because everyone else has their family and friends already.

I ALWAYS, pack my day with too much. Awareness is the first step. Before you say yes, or make the plans, decide if you’re truly aligned with it. Are you consistently canceling the same kind of plans while keeping others?

You are feeling bad about it so you are obviously not a crappy friend, but you may need some organizational help, for remembering events, and a way to motivate yourself on the day of. I do struggle with these things. I have found having and using a calendar app (I use Calendars by Readdle because it color codes and putting in events is super easy, and I can see all my events at the month view and it just looks pretty) really really helps. If I rely on my memory, I’m screwed. Looking at my calendar every morning is a great habit (you can also set it to remind you of things coming up) and so the forgetting part is a lot better now. But the motivation to do social things, well you’re seeing the consequences of not actually going. You may have to remind yourself when the time comes, that you have to put in the face time in order to maintain friendships. Explaining your struggles to your friends (I don’t think they have written you off but you might owe them explanation/ apologies, this is not elementary school where friendship is over as soon as you do something wrong) explaining, not to have to excuses, but so that they understand how your brain works, and maybe letting them know that in future you’ll have a plan for keeping appointments, I think might help