Chaotic Lovelife tmi

A couple of years ago I had an affair with someone, and obviously got into this whole thing without thinking about consequences. Eventhough I am supposed to feel ashamed it happened to this day I feel like I rarely had as deep of a connection with someone as back then. I keep thinking that maybe it is because he had autism and I have ADHD and because we loved each other unconditionally to the point where it was toxic(if your relationship hurts other people it's obviously bad) that we got a long too well - soothing each others pain. Has anybody else grown up on the rural country side experienced getting into toxic relationship dynamics simply because they finally found someone who wouldn't judge them for their way of being?