I just feel like I lost my soul (_ _).｡o○

I went to the psychiatrist about 4 months ago and I just got the medication, I didn’t even get a proper diagnosis. I used one 18mg and one 27mg pillbox of concerta until January but my mother was procrastinating my psychiatrist appointment for 2 and half months so yesterday I started to using 27mg concerta again then I used 5mg ritalin in evening. (I need it for being able to do things after school) and I’m feeling like I lost all of my feelings. My family life is a mess and I will be able to be a successful student if I want it (Like I graded one of good high school when I was 15 without telephone, computer or my family’s support) But I didn’t study until it’s one hour ago of my exam and even though I can’t study, I’m still able to get same or higher grades as my classmates which studying for hours. (I’m not boasting myself) I just feel like what happened happened and I also feel like I can’t fix my life right now or in the future. I’m really trying so hard but I can’t help it anymore. I don’t have a good family or stable mentality and I’m tired of striving 10x harder than everyone for everything. Ok I got that it has pros but in my country, my exams are my everything and if I don’t do anything about it then I’ll end up like working in a office like soulless people and nobody understands me. Everyone is saying that “I’m experiencing it too… etc.” and it’s a person who look at instagram for ten hours in a day eventually. Anyway… I can’t get carried away too like what am I supposed to do at this rate? I am a girl and feminist which it makes it so much harder. I hate when a man get diagnosed at 5 years old meanwhile women are still struggling with their “mindset”. Yesterday I realized that I don’t even know how to use my medication and I’m sure about a few things about myself and one of it is my “creativity” and “quick-wit” anyway. What should I do for feel like living? (English isn’t my native language so if it’s any mistakes I’m sorry.)

Posts and comments here share personal experience — not medical advice. For treatment questions, talk to a clinician.

regidor45

I’m so sorry to hear that . I understand that and have been through the same. But what helped me is I met Christ. My life was in shambles and I was considering a not so good alternative, and He saved me and has truly changed my life. Jesus loves you so much that He died and rose again for you. He can truly heal depression, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughts. He did for me. Don’t hold back any of your emotions from God. Your worth is not in your grades or performance. Your worth is in that you were created in the image of God, fearfully and wonderfully made. You are not a mistake. God has a plan for you even if you do not see it or believe it

Lucy 🧡💛🤍🩵💙

I feel like that too, plus I have an IQ of 145 so I pressure myself even more to be better than others because I kinda have to be, I‘m smarter so I have to score better right? What always helps me are friends and music (I listen to metal because it’s the only music that stimulates my brain enough and on top it’s just great) to get that feeling. Books and audiobooks are also great. All in all just do things you love with people you love and for the knowledge thing, there are plenty of information in the internet (just make sure they are from trusted sources), that’s where I got most of my knowledge from

Sevinc17

You’re totally right! I listen metal music too and it’s absolutely life saver! Have a great day (^_−)−☆

avocad000

I really hope you get through this problem. Just realise there’s a lot of other students who are struggling and you’re not alone , you’ve got people on this app that are supporting you . If you want you can join my team in my profile , I’m a student as well with adhd and I have my major exams soon as well and I’m trying also to get top grades - no pressure though .

FuzzyFun

Maybe try body doubling with your mother (who sounds like she has adhd) to make your appointment with the psychiatrist. Work with them on the proper dosage and get therapy to address your feelings and develop strategies for coping.

Sevinc17

I think she has not. It’s because she is just thinking that I’m getting addicted to it and I’m not her number one priority actually. (She is working a lot.) Anyway she loves me and support my medication all in all. Thanks for the recommend!

cinnamon_roll

I literally feel like reading my own thoughts I totally agree, i was treated for anxiety, depression, sleep disorder And not until couple of months back ( 26yrs old already ) i was actually diagnosed with ADHD I use to gaslight myself into thinking no the symptoms feel relatable to everyone you are just lazy stupid or smh AND would actively avoid learning about adhd And now i read about it … everything makes sense Since childhood Studied and scored well by preparing last minute Can’t make a decision even if my life depends on it Chooses known path cuz we scared of what happens on the other side Over explaining to ppl and always takes it on me to fix someone’s mood because i am responsible But treat me with low respect I can keep going 🥲

Sevinc17

I hope you’ll get better! I can’t imagine if I diagnosed at 26 yo! You’re doing great! I was feeling like I am just lazy and everybody is like this but it isn’t so it makes me feel even more… surprised or lost maybe? I am really trying so hard but I don’t feel anything at all and it includes what I meant. Like I’m not feeling them consistently just it exists in my mind and it makes me anxious on the background. I’m very self aware of myself and my emotions so it’s so hard for me to find a reason to feel alive.

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