How do I always feel under appreciated.

I am the same, and I try to distract from the person, but it comes too far sometimes, so they think that I am not really interested in development of the relationship with them, and they accuse me of that. The problem is that I close inside myself when I hear such accusations. I start thinking about the worst option, that they are just playing with my mind. The important thing that they may say that they don’t want to be on the top of this connection, they just want to get to know what’s happening. If it happens so, I become more comfortable with my thoughts and can describe my emotions and feelings that made me so distracted. So, balance :) only balance of distraction and dedication, it’s hard to find, but it’s the real peace ☮️

I think I understand what you’re feeling, especially when it comes to that underlying urge to control others’ emotions. For me, I feel like it’s my anxiety telling me that if I want everything to go well, I MUST exact my influence on the situation. And then there’s this attachment to the outcome/response we receive because we are looking to determine if we’ve made the person feel the way we want them to feel… we assume that we will somehow avoid anxiety and when you say it out loud it’s like…. That’s probably unrealistic? Ideally, I’d want to practice coping through my anxiety than trying to control everything to avoid it. I honestly don’t want to run away from inconveniences but it seems so intuitive to at least try.

From my point of view, you need to learn to prioritize yourself, learn to balance your energy between yourself and the rest of the world, so that you don't burn out too quickly. Also, practicing daily gratitude for being such wonderful support for your loved ones (even when they don't express enough gratitude - thank yourself!) and selflessness, finding joy in being there for you without expecting anything in return, not even gratitude (but don't let anybody abuse your kindness!).