As a parent we really just want the best for our kids. I can feel it in what you’ve written here, that you care deeply about your son. ADHD definitely has a big genetic component. My son, unfortunately, got it from both sides of the family. His Dad didn’t get assessed until he was a teenager and it messed him up really bad because back in the day they didn’t know as much about ADHD so they just put him on a bunch of medications and tossed him in a special education class where he felt dumb because they treated him like he couldn’t learn, when really he’s a very smart and capable person. I went through a similar experience where I didn’t have the supports I needed and a proper diagnosis until I was an adult because back in the day ADHD in females often went under the radar. I struggled and worked so much harder than the other kids in my class and still barely graduated from high school because I didn’t have the supports and tools I needed to succeed. I promised myself I wouldn’t do that to my son.
He recognized he was different than the other kids his age, right out of the gate. He was talking at 4 months old and taking things apart and putting them back together as early as 2 years old. He’s always been exceptionally curious about everything and just loves learning. But he feels like he’s not as good or not as capable because he struggles with focus, maintaining momentum, starting things, and finishing things. His executive dysfunction gets so bad sometimes he’ll sit there in class and tell his “I know I should really get started. I just can’t.” And he’s being as open and honest as possible about what he’s experiencing.
So I put him in play therapy at 5 and he was diagnosed with persistent negative thoughts. I worked with multiple behavioral therapists to help him gain confidence and learn how to play with different play styles and different types of kids. Now he’s a very happy child who makes friends easily and connects well with others. I’m still working on helping him recognize what he’s feeling and experiencing in his body as far as pain and emotions but he can recognize those things in others now and is very sympathetic towards them.
Getting a proper diagnosis for ADHD was a different struggle. I asked the school to evaluate him for developmental delays and in kindergarten they had already recognized that he was struggling to do the same things as the other kids, focus, maintain momentum, and so on. It was really important to me to get him the right supports and the right tools to succeed.
So I asked for an IEP and the school determined he was able to understand the material and didn’t qualify. But they told me he did qualify for a 504 plan which helps give the teachers more flexibility in grading, and to offer him more supports in the classroom like more time to complete assignments, or the ability to use timers and to get up regularly so he doesn’t feel so stuck all the time because movement is very helpful for ADHD. I took the 504 plan and their assessments, and the findings from his last behavioral therapist and gave that information to his primary physician. I asked her if she could do a developmental assessment and asked if it would be a good idea to get him assessed for ADHD.
His primary connected us to a liaison to help us get appointments for him to be assessed for ADHD and for Autism (I don’t think he has Autism, but a lot of the symptoms overlap and if he does have ADHD and Autism he’ll need a different approach than if he just had one or the other). He’s in 2nd grade now, at 8 years old, and in October he was diagnosed with ADHD combined type severe. It’s a slow process so I’m still waiting on his appointment for the Autism assessment and we’re almost to December. We did the intake, but the actual testing typically happens on a different day.
I have dyslexia and my son’s Dad also has dyslexia so my son is being tested for that on Tuesday of this coming week. We suspect he also has Dysgraphia so I have to schedule an assessment with his primary for that as well. He was tested for eye teaming problems and he doesn’t have that, and his vision is perfect so he didn’t inherit my eye defect. But he was tested for eye teaming because he’s having trouble reading and his Dad had eye teaming problems. And it can be corrected with a type of physical therapy if you catch it early.
Understanding his challenges helps me create an action plan to help support him on his journey. That’s how I see it. So our first approach is ADHD behavioral coaching to help him learn to self regulate, and that’s only something we have access to because he was diagnosed. One of the suggestions from the behavioral coach was to put him on a ketogenic diet so I’m working on that. She also suggested adding B vitamins to his diet and magnesium. As those have been shown to help with brain development in children with ADHD. He’s currently not medicated and it’s my hope that we can try holistic solutions first and if he still needs the medication after everything else, then ok, but I want to try a different approach if possible so that’s I’m working on. And it’s already started to make a difference after about a month. He’s not consistently functioning better, but he use to forget something every day at school and now he’s had three days of not forgetting anything at school and at least two days of being on task and motivated. So I think with time and more strategies there’s hope that he’ll get more consistent results and that’ll help his self esteem in the classroom. Hope this info dump was at the very least helpful in making you feel less alone in your struggles as a parent.
