Does anyone struggle here with rejection sensitive dysphoria?

My RSD mixed with my toxic perfectionist is a recipe for total social isolation. So I might just live and die inside my apartment 🥲

Yes I do!

Yo

Hi rebeccaJean

Hello Vova

Totally! My brain doesn’t hesitate in letting me repeat all the stupid things I might have said in every social interaction all day long. S.o. found a mistake? I am sure it was my fault. Even if there was no way I have had any kind of influence on that situation. Maybe I was breathing to loud? But because I am very easily judgemental I think I kind of “get what I deserve”. Maybe I just feel easily rejected because I would easily reject people?

Dysphoria? My brain dead from seizures some days. But I can. Tell you that emotionally, and sensitivity wise I m a mess. Soo sensitive. Lately on a scale 1-10 ten most I m 100. I create more problems with relationships that way. My husband thinks he is helping by pulling me aside with a cute little finger saying come here. I instantly wonder, oh God , what did I do now??? Always getting blamed for stuff, criticised, everything. I have good advice here. Don’t marry anyone who doesn’t u derstand adhd and doesn’t support the stuff that goes with it. As you age and he ages, less tolerant even if he tolerated which mine doesn’t.

Yes!! I have a hard time even taking constructive criticism without crying or feeling a negative emotion. I also don’t make the first move when asking someone out because of this, I’m scared they will say no.

Yes!

I struggle recognizing if it’s rejection sensitive dysphoria or anxious attachment though

Yesss!!

I am quite sensitive to reactions and other people energy too... It affect my day very much and when i feel that i have dispointed someone it feels like it is cruching me as a person. Because i felt that have failed what it does for me is elevating my anxiety level and make me act quite awkward lol T be honest i dont know what to do to appease those feelings of hurt blame and shame that comes with it I blame my self for it mentaly too for a good while after and it screw up my focus.

I’m very aware of the energy of others. I can feel a shift and I tell myself a story about why it shifted. Brene Brown shares about this. The story I am telling myself is that you are angry that I… checking my assumptions usually proves I’m wrong. Even if I still kind of believe I’m right.

I didn't know it was a thing but now I see why I stopped searching a job after one rejection even though I am qualified.

I do. Unfortunately I have real life valid experiences that have made me that way. I'm sure a lot of you all do also but I do know someone in my life with it for no reason at all and she thinks she understands me but it's completely different. It makes me avoid people and keeps a nasty voice in my head of what others are probably thinking, which makes me act weird and unnatural aaaand causes that person to think negatively if me. Nasty cycle.

Mee ! I just play the interaction that made me feel rejected over and over again to see if I’m perceiving it wrong. Then I told myself I wasn’t receiving it wrong then I have a conversation over and over again in my head of what I should’ve sent to that person or how I should’ve acted instead. Which torment me unless I talk to somebody or write out my feelings it stays for a while within me like weeks.

I will avoid anything that will cause any form of possible rejection

Yes

definitely have it too. it prevents me from doing many beautiful opportunities and i just know it. 😭😭😭😭😭

Ever since I was a kid. Like a physical pain 💔

As someone who is still in school I find it hard to let people know me because I am quick to think they are going to reject me even with my family members I can be upset with because they have told me to give them some space

I just had a „oooh, that‘s what it is“-moment. This should should not be motivation to self-diagnose, you should always consult with a healthcare professional. But I literally always asked myself why being rejected results in such a strong sense of physical pain for me and why it seems to be so much harder on me than on anyone else I know. Thank you for asking the question 🫶

This is so overwhelming that I physically hurts sometime Been struggling with this for years

I have never had a lasting friendship or a bff ever because of this it’s horrible really.

Yes absolutely, it’s crippling.

I am majorly affected by this. I feel so awkward around people and afterwards I play the situation over and over and perseverate about the conversation and what I could have done better. I always think “said” person is upset with me when they are just upset. I think I’ve done something wrong.

yesss

Honestly. One of the hardest parts of having ADHD. So overwhelming and stressful. Can’t deal.

Omg YES!! It creates so much stress in my brain. The hyper vigilance of my brain will repeat all the different ways that an interaction could have went to make sure i was accepted and safe.

Yes I do it effects me a lot !! I don’t realise until it was pointed out to me!!

Absolutely. I feel such intense emotions of hatred for myself. Even if the person who rejected me it’s just a jerk or dick. I blame my own self and think what I have done differently. How could I have acted to make them like me I’m so over this.

Horribly

Thank you for sharing this. I was not aware that this is a medical condition. I just googled it and this explains so much. It caused huge trouble in the relationship with my husband and with my parents. So thanks so much, this changed a lot

I had no idea how often this affects me until now! I also have BPD and always wrote off these feelings as fear of abandonment, but it’s much more than that! I would ball my eyes out as a child for turning in homework a day late even though I was a straight A student- I couldn’t bear the thought that my teachers could be disappointed in me. Now as an adult, I will completely shut down if I feel I’ve given anyone even a slightly negative thought of me

I relate to both of you

It's the same for me. It can get really intense sometimes.

Yes, always have

So badly. My husband will say something not even hurtful but I'll take it that way and shut down and I hate it

Yes, especially around my social skills.

Definitely, I'm currently feeling rejected from two of my family members and the only way I can control my emotions was to dismiss both of them from my life completely because I feel like they can't accept the words I'm sorry and hold grudges and don't forgive me for my flaws. I had to reject them and block them to be able to cope with my feelings of inadequacy

It’s what keeps me inside. I can’t remember all the steps or responses I’m suppose to say to myself to “activate “ that logical part of my brain, so I just say, “What other people say or believe about me has absolutely nothing to do with me.” I may still stay inside but I can get some control over my emotions.

Yes very much.

Oh my gosh yes, intensely

All the time. I’m down to 3 close friends. 🫣

I guess I actually don’t understand all the manifestations of RSD, but I’m slowly thinking my apprehensiveness in certain situations or the dread of remembering seemingly mundane social situations as embarrassing or cringe might be that…idk. I’m learning.

So this is normal for ADD. You constantly feel people don’t get you or like you but it’s all in your head! Yay so it really means people actually like you and your brain is just………….🤔

Absolutely, sometimes it gets the best of me and I find it hard to control my emotions. Then later I realize what is happening and I get even more frustrated

Yes, every day. I overthink people's intentions, and often mistake facial expressions, body language etc for them being annoyed/angry with me. The issue is that sometimes I'm right. But mostly not.

Absolutely, have been trying for years to not care so much about certain things at work. It hurts especially more when the person is someone you trust

Yes, and especially when I'm already stressed from other things.

It sends me into a spiral of doubt before I shut down completely and become emotionless!….. for about an hour then I want to care again.

Absolutely

I do

Absolutely. It’s crushing and crippling at times. The ignored message. The “I can’t talk about it now”. Then I feel like it’s because I talk too much. Then shut down

Yessssssss

I do

I have it really bad.

Rejection is probably my biggest fear and the reason I’ve developed what I’d say is one of my most negative traits, being a people pleaser. I’m deathly afraid of being rejected cause people don’t like me, so I’ve kinda become a “social chameleon” as I like to call it, whenever I’m around someone I kinda try to mimick the way they act and the way they talk in hopes that it’ll make them like me more

Oh my gosh, I struggle with it so much! Even little tiny things. Sometimes I mistake peoples stress/frustration/negative emotions as being directed specifically at me instead of realising that actually, it probably has nothing to do with me. It makes me feel so low and insecure. All of my anxiety starts being triggered all at once, and if it’s really bad, I have to leave the room because I can start crying. It can be a struggle but you sort of realise in the end that it’s not got anything to do with you personally, and that usually, you haven’t done anything wrong. I hope this helps 💛

It makes me spiral into a depression. Then I have to talk myself out of the depression by reminding myself that the unbearable rejection is just my neurodivergent brain messing with me, so I will spend the next few hours, sometime day or days, going from "eff him!!" to "what is wrong with me, why can't I be normal, why do I ruin everything etc etc." With my family, they've lived with my "moodiness" and "issues" so they know what to look for, but since they don't "believe" adhd has all these symtoms, I've always been the problem child. I will get so wrapped up in thinking the thoughts of they hate me, they don't love me, why do I always mess things up, and of course, why can't I be NORMAL? I really hate the spiral that comes with it. I just began a new relationship and I've bee trying to make sure the adhd is talked about up front. Just this morning he said, after I "squirreled" in the middle of doing something "it's like you don't remember what what you said you were going to do and it's only been a few minutes" I'm like, "yeah welcome to my world." It's a huge struggle.

Also if you have a lot of bullying experience

Not that I’ve noticed

rejection is a big fear of mine. i tend to give him whatever he wants when he wants so he is happy trying to make him love me . lol all i do is run them off by doing this. i obsess over guys i just start dating . it's a whole problem

Really didn’t know there was even a name for this, but it totally resonates. It’s frequent for me.

Hell yea. I think the people I really think are cool, funny and interesting all hate me bc I’m obnoxious!

I have been dealing with the same kinds of things for years and never knew that It had a name

My relationship just ended, like, 5 minutes ago, and I do not know what state I'll be in in an hour, in a day, in a week, but I'll try to monitor that and see if I can get a hold of my therapist because I am scared I'll trip into a big depressive episode.

Absolutely, I’m starting a nonalcoholic bar and I’m constantly having to make calls to different vendors like construction people, architects, etc. and I’m scared that we won’t get along or that they won’t want to come check out the place to do an estimate. If I took a step back, I could see that it is a simple way to realize I don’t want to use them and can move on to getting someone that is excited to work on the project with me but I take each one personally instead. So, it takes a lot of convincing to make the original calls.

Yes! And it goes right to the remaining remnants of my alcoholic parents and triggers the “it's my fault and I have to try harder and be perfect button. When I am really ensnared in my rsd, what helps me is watching Nightbirde’s AGT audition, the Mzanzi Youth Choir AGT tribute to Nightbirde, and (this is probably weird) Nordic Noir crime tv series.

It takes a huge toll on my loved ones, they take it as bad behavior. Usually, I am in fight or flight mode. I need help for this. I suffer those symptoms also.

Explain

How to spot RSD: it’s a cognitive distortion, which means it generally doesn’t have a basis in logic or reality and is often an assumption or Catastrophic thinking

So I use cognitive reframing skills to help with RSD. Although you can’t necessarily stop the thoughts and feelings that come up you can reframe it once they do. Ex: excessive talking (impulsivity) —> irritation from others —> my 🧠 “they hate me” —> logic - “they most likely are just annoyed vs hating me” or “they have probably already moved on from that conversation”—> self compassion “ok I was really excited and had an ADHD moment it’s ok, I’ll try to be more mindful going forward”.

Exactly how I feel never knew it had a name I just thought it is low self esteem

How do you know that it is RSD playing inside of you? I’m trying to find a way to notice this and play ahead. But so far to no avail

I live in my bedroom. It had turned me into a hermit.

In my relationship, it makes me feel unwanted and unloved. I often feel like a bother to my partner. Like I just irritate him all the time.

My wife and I have a pretty bad time with it, so it’s important to communicate when you’re in a relationship with another person with ADHD. Makes for a strong ass couple lol

Yes! I get a knot in my stomach and throat and feel like I'm going to tear up, which just adds to the embarrassment, and I want to climb in a hole and sleep for days and not be around people at all

Yes! Although, the older I get the more I understand my own feelings and I try constantly to keep my mind open when I think I’m being criticized or judged… I try hard not to react or make accusations without any real proof. I used to believe all the lies my mind would tell me but I would always feel like a fool after because I had no proof. It feels good to have more control over myself but I noticed my oldest daughter doing the same and now my 16 year old daughter is going through everything I have outgrown. I try to coach my 16 year old and explain my past experiences but I should know better. I was never good at taking advice to avoid issues… I always had to learn from my mistakes and that seems to be the case with my girl too 🤷🏻‍♀️

Makes me want to be road kill

Well I feel like crying and anxiety combined with anger and sadness with a sprinkle of betrayal, and then I withdraw from people 😵‍💫

Yup! It causes me physical pain in my chest and makes me shut off and hide for days. Its the worst!