Making plans

Do y'all's friends ask you to do stuff or are you the one always asking them to hang out? I've noticed over the last few years that if I'm not the one asking to hang out I don't get contacted at all except by maybe two people, of course those are the out of town friends that just chat with me when they can. No one local contacts me to hang out, even my family will make plans then wait to ask if I want to join right before they are about to leave, which I can't be ready in two minutes. One friend I haven't seen since our friend from California last visited and her phone isn't broken and we are still friends on Facebook so she has multiple ways of getting in contact with me. Crickets, for years now. It's one thing if it's a back and forth relationship of inviting each other to spend time together but I feel I shouldn't have to beg people to spend time with me.

aliona :3

I understand you

Rania7

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cs04hP3N32m/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

chicken_or_egg

I m sorry you re experiencing this! You’re not alone! Maybe try to talk to your fam and tell them you would like to be more included. Explain how you feel? Going through something similar right now with my friend group. Mind you, I got late diagnosed not long ago. I have been struggling and masking forever in an unhealthy way. Recently, I opened up to them and got the sense it made them really uncomfortable. Can you believe they even told me that they didn’t like that I started to take stimulants! They downplayed the whole adhd thing as a made up trend. I am a little hurt by my friends silence since but my positive spin is: gives me more time to focus on myself and hopefully to make new friends? :) I am just letting this experience sink in and I won’t react to my old friends for now. Maybe they will come around in the future. Who knows! Next time I will be more open about my adhd from the start and set healthier boundaries. It’s mind boggling to me that to this day there is still stigma around meds & adhd. I realize the gaps in awareness and how widely misunderstood it is specially for adult women. Oh well! Sorry, I vented a little about myself here. :) I just wanted to share and hopefully I didn’t bomb your thread. We re all in this together.

marcie

I usually wait for them to make plans with me. 1. Because my schedule is traditional and predictable and theirs is not. 2. It’s rare for me to not have plans so as much as I love to see everyone, I’m tired and the downtime is good too. I love my friends but I’m rarely the one organising things these days. I wonder reading this if my friends might wonder, like you, why they’re always the ones making plans. Have you tried asking light heartedly and without judgement? It might just be the habit you’ve fallen into.

turquoise

Sometimes people get nervous making plans so they are more comfortable with last minute. Sometimes people don’t have the confidence to plan things. Most people are distracted by their issues and tasks. We are all doing our best and sometimes that’s not as thoughtful as it could be.

Rania7

Have you tried talking to a therapist? Maybe these aren’t the people for you and/or is sth else.

Rania7

I am sorry that your family does more…I believe they need to know how they make you feel and also very important, why do they do it? You deserve to know ❤️ so that you can decide accordingly.

Lorelei88

Still hunting for the right therapist, I'm not as hurt by those that have disappeared it's more that my family does it.

nyarenee

I have noticed this exact same thing. The only time they contact me is because they want something from me.

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