Be a better listener

Practice. 1. Close your mouth. 2.don’t talk till the other person pauses/finishes. Make a short response. 3. Close your mouth. 4. Repeat It takes work to not jump in cause your mind goes in 20 directions most peoples don’t! It’s a skill and you can build it if you focus.

I was told once to pay attention to what I wanted to say vs what needed to be said. This helped me a lot to pause

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I’d suggest paying attention to the amount of eye contact your are giving them. For neurotypical people this is a way to show that you are actually listening. If you are like me and struggle with eye contact and find you can’t listen to what they are saying when making eye contact find a good balance of making eye contact and looking into the distance so you can show that you are listening and actually be able to let some of the conversation sink in

I live by mouth closed ears open but that’s my coping mechanism - to only talk if necessary unless it’s my bestie or baby sister. I do all the active listening stuff but sometimes I just have a hard time getting my mouth to move and make sound (if that makes sense)

One major skill of active listening is to restate what you understood from what they said to make sure you understand. Or ask for clarity about something that’s broad or curious or unclear. It shows you’re really trying to hear and understand, not just formulate your reply. Another skill for good listening is *asking early* what kind of support or reply they’re looking for. Maybe they don’t want advice or just want someone to validate them by listening and not judging. Or maybe they came to you because you are a great brainstorm partner, and they want ideas. Get info, and get consent for your input! This is hard for me with my impulsivity with conversations.

me too!

I need this skill too!

Be interested in that person or at least try to be interested. If you're not interested, it's not going to work. Give them time to talk equal to your talking time. Ask questions if there's something that can be fun for you. Don't ask questions just for the sake of it. Don't interrupt too much. And the most important thing.. Don't look into your phone when you're talking to them!!

One of the ways that helped me become a better listener was to remember to ask the other person questions about themselves or their experience. And then trying to make a point to genuinely care about the answer.

Don’t talk over the person in your own voice. That means don’t formulate your response or try to understand their point before they make it.

I heard that be a good listener is better for you because when hear you learn and when you talk don't learn anything.