Any advice on managing discussions with a partner?

We are both ADHD and maybe he's an Aspie, so it's really hard for us to stay calm and not react impulsively. We both know the theory and some grounding technique, but when we argue we forget completely and just cannot avoid saying things we know we shouldn't. We both fear each other abandonment and rejection so every time one of us says something inappropriate we end up in this resentment tunnel and need days to reconnect. Please help if you found a way to keep calm, this is so draining ☹️

psyplops

Counseling. Don’t be afraid of couple’s counseling. My wife and I are both ADHD and we have been struggling lately.

aliona :3

Hello

lisa na-na

Two options here that worked for me: 1. Pausing before saying anything (a couple seconds, which is a couple minutes for adhders, will suffice). 2. Don’t ignore what you say to each other after arguments. You’re likely to burst out repeatedly for a reason you both trying to suppress because you think it’s the right thing to do. Acknowledge what you say to each other and explore why you feel the need to say it. Whatever you say during the argument, don’t feel ashamed about it. You said it because you wanted to. It’s the question of why you wanted to say it. So, my suggestion is to explore things deeper after arguments. It also can allow you to look past the fear of abandonment and rejection. Wish you all the luck on your journey🙏🏻

aliona :3

Hello

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