Omg I went through the same thing, the “you don’t care” ect. It took a huge fight for me to seek therapy where I had insight that even tho it wasn’t intentional I was putting in low effort and making him feel undervalued. However, I needed him to understand the root and the fact my adhd shows up differently than his. I’m inattentive so he will say things and I wouldn’t process and respond. I sent him an article that literally explained and validated both parties, and I finally got the apologies and the I didn’t understand at the time. Do we still clash, yes but we try to be understanding, patient, and speak with compassion. I’ve noticed setting goals and working out help tremendously. It’s not doing what you want to do to get the easy dopamine, I tend to invite the adhd paralyzation until I went mad enough to do something productive. I hope things get better and it’s like working out, it’s not linear. You will regress and transgress but the most important thing is not giving up and showing up for yourself
