micalane avatar
micalane
1
2 years ago

My husband is mad because I’m not good at cleaning.

I’m not good at cleaning and he doesn’t understand. He comes from a home with a stay at home mom and a maid. He is from India and that is common. I come from a home with a hoarder. He has seen my grandmother’s, who raised me, home. He is disgusted by it. She doesn’t hoard trash, but she holds paper, collectibles, toys, and clothes ( I should let you know these are not clothes for her. These are clothes that she likes that she sees that yard sales and decides to buy even though it may be for a baby or some thing of that sort.). I am not nearly as bad as her. I’m normal person messy. I just don’t know how to stay clean. He tells me to clean as I go. I have no idea how to do that. It doesn’t even occur to me. Any helpful advice on staying tidy would be appreciated.

kat123 avatar
kat123
1y

Having good storage I think really helps. If you are feeling overwhelmed you can put things away. When my home is less cluttered so is my mind. Once every couple of weeks I call a close friend that lives far for a catch up and we chat for an hour and during the call I do the stuff I dislike and avoid like putting away laundry or sorting my “everything” cube storage. I chuck toys, hair dryer, anything really into cube storage I have in the kitchen.keeps place tidy and I organise it when I have a buddy on the phone for a distraction. Good luck

ArtsyADHD avatar
ArtsyADHD
1y

Maybe it would be worth investing in a house cleaner?! It is difficult to rewire this cleaning thing and it sounds like it is causing you guilt or shame.. you don’t deserve either… consider outsourcing the problem! :). All the best!

crackplant avatar
crackplant
1y

It is tough because people often come to living arrangements with different expectations. Sometimes I wonder if I’m unhappy with my level of untidiness, or is it really someone else (or both). Can you talk about how to share tasks so everyone is happy? I know it’s so easy to say and do hard to do!!!

A. D. avatar
A. D.
1y

Relationships are tough. You can be open about the ADHD part and try to work things out together with him. Maybe there are things that are really hard for you that he can be responsible for instead of you – and vice versa. Perfect is also the enemy of the good. You can both agree on what “basic” level of tidiness is expected from both of you and work your way from there. In the end, if he really cares about you then he should understand and work things out with you. But “expecting” and “mandating” things are not part of a healthy relationship. There’s a small book called “Dirty laundry” which discusses this topic and other related things. I hope things work out for both of you and all the best 👍

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