Emotions about other people who did you wrong

Hey lovely ADHDers, Because many of us, including myself, are massively handicapped by our rejection sensitivty I would like to ask you: How do you regulate yourself in such difficult situations? When you know exactly, the other person(s) did you wrong? I would like to react calmer against such situations, but my anger is really strong and hard to handle. I don‘t hurt other people, but sometimes I can‘t escape until the valve is released in some way - eg throw, when I am alone, some thing against the wall. Mostly because I am disgusted about myself not to react calmer or better.

hopeiwontforget

I feel the same way. In those situations, I tend to tell the person that I need some alone-time, because I know I can not talk about it when feeling like this. Like you, I don’t hurt people, but I tend to shut down completely. I just stop talking, don’t say a word, which is so NOT me. But inside I’m exploding. When alone, I then also tend to throw things, sometimes cry, scream in a pillow… i feel like I need to wait for it to pass naturally cause I can’t control this feeling, which I hate. Leaving the situation has helped me, taking a walk. But don’t leave without saying anything, I feel like it’s the best to say you need some time to calm down and think about, and you don’t want to say anything stupid, so you prefer to be alone, calm down. And propose to have a conversation later! :) Really, going outside changes your perspective, the air helps and your surroundings distract you! Also, like others said, writing helps!! Just for structuring your thoughts. Sometimes, when I feel too angry to write, I just record like a voicenote on my phone which is really just to get it all out! Helps me a lot to calm down and start to move on or prepare for a conversation :) Sorry this message is so long but I feel like it’s an intense topic!

aurum

You’re definitely not alone! I relate and my challenge used to be expressing the anger as well. I actually just recognised I felt anger as an generally emotion, in corporal therapy, (Core Energetics), when I was 22 years old! Since then I’ve relearned how to cry (instead of swallowing it), do the pillow punching. Also to just talk with the person which whom I was upset, after calming down and elaborating what I wanted to express - just in my head or writing anywhere with quicker reach, without pressure of journaling, simply to put it out and have an structured bullet point for the difficult conversation later. Learning about non Violent Communication helps me a lot.

plannedchaotic

13h

That are really great points and an interessting therapy technique I never heard about. The bullet points for the talk later are my key takeaway. I constantly overthink everything but bullet points make the most of life a bit simpler to understand, and that as a key to talk to people never crossed my mind. Thanks a lot!

goodgrooves

I understand you! I think it's important to let the other person know they have overstepped a boundary / done something wrong. I know it's hard and scary to do that and I myself am learning that still.. But the resentment and anger comes from there. I would take several deep breaths and tell how it makes me feel and what's wrong. Sometimes ppl don't even know that they have overstepped a boundary. If saying that to their face is too much, you can always write a letter. Digital or on paper. You don't have to keep that to yourself! But do express your pain with the other person in calm and logical manner. That's why I often pause and take a breath, go for a walk after I respond to something that gets me angry. Doing something physically will help to release the tension. Dance or do jumping jacks if nothing else..😅

Sunryze

I tend to write in a journal when I start getting that way. I had someone suggest to me that punching a pillow might be good too.

plannedchaotic

13h

I will remember the „come to terms that I can‘t be the standard journaler“. Gosh, we can be so hard to ourself that I didnt even consider breaking a streak doesn‘t mean the world is going to end. Really great words and a wounderful message! Thanks a lot

ADD&Reb

22h

For journalling, it doesn’t have to be consistent or even everyday. I usually journal when something comes to mind to journal. I’ve come to terms that I can’t be the standard daily journaler and so I don’t even try to make it to that. Some days are hard where I do journal each day, but I’ve had the same journal for 13+ years and I have gone 9-12-18 months without journaling in it. There’s no one to impress and nothing to prove with journalling so just do what you can when you can/want to. You got this!! Happy Journalling!!

plannedchaotic

That punching pillow might be a good solution to release the „blind anger“. How do you keep up with journaling? My streak with journaling was half a year, but the habit is easily broken. It helps a lot, but I tend to lose it after a while.

Add comment