I don't know what's with me

I know it's a lot, so here's a TL;DR: Work has been rough — my boss keeps criticizing and pressuring me, making me feel useless and drained of motivation. At home, things are strained too; my wife and I love each other but we’ve been struggling with stress, anxiety, and lack of time together. I tend to overthink and make things worse without meaning to. Right now, I just feel stuck, overwhelmed, and in need of some encouragement. --- I've been having some miserable days lately. My boss says I am too slow at work and that I don't understand what he says, and he's been kinda torturing me at work because he wants me to work faster and do things better and I'm trying, I really am, but I feel like I can't. Everyday has been like this. He has been asking me to do stuff and when I show him the work he doesn't like it and makes me see how I've not been doing well and being disappointed with me, because even tho I think they'll not fire me, they keep pressuring me and it's been hell going to work everyday, thinking of what he'll say or how I will be able to survive the day. Somedays are better and there are some parts of my work that I like, but I've been honestly losing my love for this job (graphic design) because of all this, and I'm only not leaving this job because I feel like I need it right, as I'm young and recently married, and a job in this area was hard to find. To add on top of that, my relationship has been hard too. Me and wife have been married for 3 months now. We love each other, we really do, and we have always been best friends. Lately free time has been scarce and we have not been able to have as much time together as we feel we need to bond and to be happier together like we used to. I think it's that, plus my problems at work, plus some other problems with her anxiety and her personal happiness right now, and we have been very unstable. Sometimes I can be pushy in a sense that I can't stop yapping about stuff, especially if I'm nervous or worried about us, and so even with small things I might think there is a problem with her or I did something wrong and I start apologizing and she even explains that it's okay but as I'm worried and anxious that we might have something wrong I don't stop right away, so I spiral a bit and because she gets nervous easily and needs peace to get better we kinda just derail and can't stop each other from getting worse until we both feel very bad. I feel like all this is a cycle that worsens things each day, and everyday I just feel like I'm a failure, I keep messing up: at work, in marriage, and life in general. I can't get better at work, at home I am the one that starts problems accidentally and ruin a good time with my wife, etc. I haven't used this app for a while as I've been testing different ways to organize myself to see what works, but I just needed to ramble about my current situation because I feel overwhelmed and don't know what to do. Hope someone has the time and courage to read all this text, and maybe just gives me some perspective or advice about this, or just says something nice. Thank you everyone ❤️

Posts and comments here share personal experience — not medical advice. For treatment questions, talk to a clinician.

Ghomem

1mo

Update: Things were still very hard for a couple of months until my boss came to me and said that my effort wasn't paying enough and he needed to cut me off. I know it's supposed to feel bad to lose a job, but I just felt relief at that moment. It's been a little hard since, changing routines and trying to find a new job/ working on my portfolio, but it has been a good change overall. I've been at home with my wife and we both work at the office side by side. We also started doing daily walks during after lunch to connect and do exercise. I'm a little worried about getting a job still and being good enough, but at least that time of my life is over. Now I just need to get better at my work skills to get a new job. Do you have any tips on working from home or developing skills like design?

matteus

4mo

Vi suas tarefas em português e vou responder nesse idioma para conseguirmos nos conectar melhor. 🤠 Como criativo, me identifiquei muito com a sua situação. Já estive no mesmo lugar e sei exatamente o que você está sentindo com um chefe tão exigente. E o pior é ver isso minando o seu amor pelo design, não é? Quando a crítica constante substitui a o feedback construtivo, o prazer se transforma em peso. Você mencionou como os comentários dele afetam a forma como você vê o seu próprio valor profissional. Isso me fez pensar: você já parou para se questionar por que está internalizando essas críticas dessa forma? Em um contexto onde você não está se sentindo bem, como esperar que o seu melhor trabalho surja? É muito difícil criar quando tudo é tão pesado. Uma pergunta mais prática: você consegue montar um portfólio com os trabalhos que mais te orgulham, mesmo os que foram feitos antes desse emprego? Se achar difícil começar sozinho, tem algum colega ou amigo da área que poderia te ajudar a revisar e organizar? Um olhar externo pode ser incrível para nos lembrar da qualidade do nosso próprio trabalho. No final da minha própria jornada, em um momento muito parecido com o seu, eu consegui transformar meu amor pelo design em algo novo – redescobri o que me movia e dei um novo rumo à minha carreira. Tenho fé que você também pode reativar aquela chama e encontrar o seu caminho, do seu jeito. O objetivo não é apenas sobreviver a esse chefe, mas se reencontrar com o designer.

Ghomem

4mo

Olá Matteus! Primeiro de tudo, obrigado pelas palavras de apoio. As coisas têm acalmado desde aí, o que para mim tem me ajudado. Ainda por vezes me têm me chateado um pouco, mas está mais suportável. Eu realmente não consigo criar algo que me orgulha muitas vezes porque nunca sei como vão responder a isso. Por acaso fiz um portfólio quando me formei, mas já não o atualizo há muito tempo, e desde aí tenho melhorado muito. Em relação à paixão pelo design e pela arte, voltei a fazer pixel art, que é também para mim um gosto enorme e têm me ajudado a inspirar-me mais todos os dias. Estou a pensar voltar a publicar a arte que vou fazendo no Twitter, para me motivar a continuar. Tenho o sonho de trabalhar um dia na área dos videojogos na parte da arte ou design, e espero um dia também conseguir dar um novo rumo à minha paixão profissional. Obrigado novamente!

AlexG

4mo

Hey I’m sorry you’re going through this! The work situation sounds terrible and I feel like most times, even when we know we should quit, the uncertainty that comes with that makes us even more anxious. Have you tried looking for other job opportunities in the meantime?

Ghomem

4mo

I have searched a bit for other job opportunities, but I think my current portfolio is outdated, so I should upload a bit more work before going through. We usually lack on time to do stuff after work, but we gotta try.

sonnek

4mo

After almost 20 years of working in different fields and offices I have to tell you: Quit that job before it will ruin your health, your happiness and your relationship. It won’t get better. Of course a job is important - but more than your life around it? Then you can ask yourself: what makes you doubt the things your wife tells you? What makes you think that there are problems that might not really be there? Can you find strategies to calm yourself down a bit? Maybe you have somebody else around to help you get things in order?

Auggie🏳️‍⚧️

4mo

That seems really hard. I’m only 14, but at my church we have spirit play where the little kids go and do a little play. I teach that class sometimes, but it’s really hard to. A. So many little kids (cute but overwhelming) B. My “boss” is bossy too. So yea

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