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NUMO
ADHD

mel___ avatar
mel___
1
2 years ago

Relationship advice needed!!

I’m sorry if this comes out as a rant, but I’m mentally done and I have no idea what to do anymore.. Past relationships I’ve found I’ve always been somebody’s temp until they found the right person. A horrible mix of past trauma growing up and other relationships.. my last relationship I was cheated on, lied to, has lighted, and manipulated to think it was me being “crazy”. Until I got my proof, then it was “im sorry” “I’m a piece of shit”. That was left in the past 7 months ago. Im now seeing a different guy, but it feels the same.. he’s never taken me out on a proper date yet, I’ve mentioned this a month ago and he still hasn’t (as he said he would). I only get to see him for a few hours at night (we both have kids though). If I don’t respond within an hour he will text me 4-5 times in a row questioning what I’m doing and what I have been doing. Yet I’ve never once done that to him. It feels as soon as I play hard to get or feels like he’s losing me, I’m just being told what I want to hear. I noticed his he’s been mainly following girls on instagram and I mean 90%… He’ll tell me I’m over thinking and say all these amazing sweet things to make me feel better and reassure me. Then after a few hours or so I’m rethinking again on my worth, and what this even is. I feel like I’m caught in a vicious circle that is extremely hard to break. I know it’s as easy as talking to the person and communicating, but how do you do that when you’ve been lied to about this stuff before? When you want to trust but are struggling? Knowing if you’re over thinking and causing an issue that may not even be there?? I don’t know if it’s me or not anymore :(

vampiric avatar
vampiric
1y

oh definitely leave asap. learn to trust yourself again. you are not the problem in this current situation he definitely is.

A. D. avatar
A. D.
1y

In relationships I think unfortunately some people attract abusers for different reasons (history of past abuse, not enough self confidence, etc.) Continuously writing to you 4-5 times in a row asking what you’re doing now and you’ve been doing, just because you didn’t answer his message for an hour or so is a really, really, negative sign. It shows signs of control, disrespecting boundaries, distrust, paranoia, etc. Honestly it’s an extremely bad sign I would’ve personally just cut the relationship short. Just my 2 cents… good luck.

squeegee avatar
squeegee
1y

I mean, the anxious messaging when you haven’t responded within an hour, when you don’t do that to him, is the biggest red flag to me. Cheating or not it sounds controlling while also not treating you how you’ve asked to be treated (taken on an actual date). There’s enough red flags there to just say it’s not working for you BEFORE you get to the possibility of cheating.

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